Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
