Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
