it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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