I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
