why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
