You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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