I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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