I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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