so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize