After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
