just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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