You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
