i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
