i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
