Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
