Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
