Your face is a jimmy john
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So much Jack, so little girl.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
