Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
