Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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