The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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