Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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