definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
