Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
