I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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