My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
