: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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