the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
