I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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