i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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