god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
