i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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