nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
