Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
