If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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