What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
