Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
