Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
