did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
