Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
