You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
