The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
