I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
