i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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