if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
