Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
