I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
