I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Betty ford says i'm here all night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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