I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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