I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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