Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
