I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
only if we run a train.
done.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
