you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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