so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
