The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
