Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
