I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
