Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
