i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
