Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
