how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
