And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
