I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
