There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
