Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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