I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
