Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize