My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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