also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
