I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
