i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
