I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
