He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
