watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
