I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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