I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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