Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
