I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
