how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
