so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
