Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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