Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
