I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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