we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
50% drunk capacity currently
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
